Dealing with feelings of failing

Master has been trying to work with me and my feelings of failure and/or disappointing Him. i do not do well at all with feelings of failure, specially so when it comes to feeling as if it is Him i have let down. i tend to over analyze the situation and the feelings of failure immerse me in such a way that i in essence immobilize myself. i am sure some of you are thinking that i should feel terrible of failing my Master, and i should even be severely punished. However, let me first explain that what to most people is simply a mistake, or something involuntary or inadvertent to me is a full out failure. Today was one of those days… Master was using His girl, and had a loop chain on my nipples and then had the chain of a set of tweezer clamps wrapped around that chain, and wanted me to clamp the tweezers to my labia. i was quite wet and finding the tweezer clamps did not wish to tighten up and stay as He wished, and I was getting rather frustrated. Master is very mindful of how i react to my feelings of failure, and on numerous occasions has reinforced that He will never set me up to fail, so as He saw my struggle He adjusted His command and had me place one of the tweezer clamps over the hood of my clit instead. He said perhaps it is still dry enough there to hold, and He was correct. i got it on yet found it was pinching and hurting, i had never had any type of clamp on my clit before so it was a new feeling. He then told me to begin to shallow fuck His cunt with my finger. i did as i was told and the tweezer clamp was pinching me even more as i moved my finger in and out. Master always watches His slave very closely for her reactions and noted i was in some discomfort so softly spoke to me, ” angel just relax and work through the pain to get to the other side.” He reminded me that i was doing this for Him, and that it excited and pleased Him. His words as normal calmed me and helped me to focus on pleasing Him, i continued to play with His cunt and to focus on His voice and the sensations. i was indeed becoming wetter and more excited, and yet because the clit hood being held by the tweezer clamp was pinching and was new to me, it was on and off becoming distracting to me. i would relax and begin to finger fuck His cunt for Him and as i began to get more into it, i would forget about the tweezer clamp and hit it too hard and it would pinch into me and shoot a pain through the clit. So my arousal level (Master calls that my A level) was hitting a plateau and keeping me from rising, although i remained quite wanton and wet. i still continued trying to relax and focus, so wanting Master to be proud of me and to arouse Him in this way. my mind starting the beginning of the battle over failure and i was trying to push the thoughts to the side. i spread my legs wider and continued to slip my finger into the tight and by now quite sloppy wet cavern, adjusting as i would feel the pinching, when i heard Master tell me i could remove the tweezer clamp. The pain was short but very prominent as I removed the clamp but i was both relieved to have it off and yet I felt those tugging’s of failing welling up within me. i looked to Him and saw no sign of displeasure in those blue eyes as He then commanded me to continue playing over His cunt and clit, so i again relaxed and was able to again begin to bring my arousal up for Him. Working my fingers in to the depths of His cunt and coating them as i brought them to the clit and circled and probed at the very hard and excited clit. i could still feel a slight pain where the tweezer clamp had been but now it was more of an enhancement type of feeling, serving to only help me to feel those electric like pulses even more. my A level was rising, and rather quickly. Master asked me what level i was at and if i remember correctly i had said an 8 ( the scale being 1 – 10 ) Every time i would move i could feel the chain pulling at the loops on my nipples making them burn delightfully. As my finger worked more fervently in and out of His cunt i could literally hear the sloppy wetness. i was so enjoying the look upon His face when i would look up and see my Master and knowing i was pleasing Him when it happened… i came… Unexpectedly and without warning and without “permission!” i was mortified and shocked, i had no idea i was that close to cumming. i had all kinds of feelings rushing through me. Anger, frustration, embarrassment, shame, bewilderment and yes also excitement, euphoria and appeasement. i remember clamping my thighs together and trying to make it stop as i leaned up quickly and looked to Master. i think i had cursed also, which isn’t something i really do often. The words, i’m sorry came from my lips and i quickly covered my mouth, as saying “i’m sorry” too much ( as i often do ) is also something Master is working with me on. If my memory is correct i do believe my Master chuckled at me, though with all these things running through my mind all at once i cannot be sure i am remembering right. Regardless, what i saw in His eyes and face was not disappointment as He gently told me, “It’s ok to say you’re sorry in a case like this.” so i said it again. i then went on to tell Him i had no idea i was about to cum, it happened so suddenly. i remember as i explained this how tight my chest was, so afraid i would hear some type of anger or disappointment in His voice. But there was none of that to be heard. He only calmly had my breasts and cunt spanked for the infraction, i was actually relieved at this discipline, as it gave me a release. The spankings helped me to accept the infraction was not a deal breaker, it was not something that would make me unworthy. It was simply something that happened, had been dealt with and i could now let it go. my mind then went to previous conversation with my Master in which He explained to me that sometimes Master enjoys knowing He gets His slave girl so worked up she can’t help but cum, even without asking for permission of being given it. my mind then began to slowly come into alignment again, though even now as i write this i feel the residual feelings nagging at me. Those feelings even now trying to deem me as not being a good slave, to mark me as a failure or a disappointment. i shall however continue to align my thoughts and feelings so as not to become a slave to them. As i am slave to Him and Him alone! These feelings i will learn not to submit to, not to cave into them, but to continue to learn how to overcome so i can “truly” be the best slave possible for my Master in all ways. slave *~ destiny ~*