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Wednesday, June 4, 2014

What to do when You really can't do anything...

Master has been going through some things that are really hard on Him lately. With O/our relationship being LDR i am finding it very hard to know what to do.

my mind keeps rolling over thoughts on and off all day long, running through the what if's and hopeful's, searching for answers that may help Him. Wanting to be there for Him but knowing with the distance i really can't be. Needing to support Him and help Him through the rough spots, yet always coming back to the realization that there is not much of anything i can do that will really help Him.

So what do i do? How do i find the balance between trying too hard to be there for Him and not being there enough?

i know my Master is a thinker, He will look at situations from all sides, inside and out, and to do this i think He just needs the down time. What this means is He tends to withdraw, not completely, but enough that with me not being there to see Him it makes me worry for Him. Specially during those times He may not be able to respond to a message from me right away. He never leaves me for days not knowing, matter of fact He doesn't even leave me wondering for an abundance of hours. Still, i find myself concerned in those times when He is busy doing what He needs to do and i am here doing what i need to.

my thoughts go to Him, is He doing ok right now? Should i peek in on Him? What could i do to bring a smile to His face, even if only a brief one? What can i do? How can i help? Is there something, anything that i could give to be here for Him?

i tend to feel like i need to fix things for Him, wanting to get Him back to that place i know He wishes to be. But how can i, and do i really need to "fix" things... or... Maybe He just needs to talk through these things that are such a hardship right now. Maybe what He needs is a slave that will simply listen. Maybe what He needs is simply my patience and understanding. So how can i give this in a way it is not appearing as if i am being too needy myself? How can i reassure Him that i am here for Him no matter what the mood, situation or dilemma?

He said last night when speaking of things He thought i may be getting fed up with Him. That took me by surprise, as i really do not feel fed up at all. i told Him no, that i get confused but not feeling fed up. The confusion comes from me not knowing how to reach out to Him and also from not knowing when He has walked away from the computer sometimes, but even that i do understand. i know when He does that it is a protection method, more for me than for Him, His way of protecting me from His troubles or mood changes. Yet, i don't really want to be protected from those times, i'd rather learn how to be there for Him in all times, i know that comes with time though.

i am not fed up with any of this because i do understand, because i do have a Master that overall does keep me informed of things that are going on where He is at. i have always been good at putting myself in another person's shoes, so to speak, so understanding comes naturally for me, i find it natural to put aside my own feelings and view theirs instead. So fed up? No not at all, i just want to be there... that's all.

i just want to be there for Him!

To help, to listen, to be a part of even the hardships as well as the good, to offer comfort and understanding, to remind Him how much i believe in Him, to help Him find a reason to smile even through the junk life throws at U/us, to let Him know that there IS someone who cares deeply and would do anything to help if she knew what to do.

*sighs* i just want to be "there"...

slave *~destiny~*

1 comment :

  1. Perhaps by writing your feelings here, offering your support to Him will tell Him that you are there when He needs you. It is hard when you are used to dealing with things on your own, to reach out. Especially if He prefers not to show His vulnerable side. I am sure He values your care and support and will be ready to accept your help soon. As you now, i am also there for you, to give you the support you need xx

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