On Command

Last night i came on command! *smiles very big* i have read so much about others being able to do this, and longed to be able to. Feeling it would be another sign of my submission and Masters control, it has become quite a deep need within me to achieve this. When He first spoke of giving me till the count of 20 i must admit i was anxious. The pressure to cum when He told me to was strong and those familiar feelings of possible failure were popping into my mind. Then something happened, it was like a switch in my mind was turned on. i focused totally on the sensations and Him instead. Something He has been trying to get me do for a while now. Seems that i have so many triggers i find it hard to just relax and enjoy the feeling, but last night i did IT! Opening myself completely, my thoughts went to Him only, focusing only on His voice and letting the knowledge of being His really sink in. The more i focused on being His, being with Him, Controlled by Him and that the orgasm was His and not my own the more i seemed to relax and settle into all the wonderful sensations i was being allowed to feel. It would be great to give a play by play but to be honest i was so far into what i was experiencing i can't honestly say i remember details. What i do remember is the Command "Cum"! It was beautiful! Even more beautiful was that i could tell Master was very pleased. i felt euphoric and my smile must of been huge. As i think back on it, it felt almost as monumental as the day Master collared me. One more sign of how much i truly do belong to Him in all ways. Isn't it amazing how feeling that Control from your Master is so liberating! Silly fears and anxiety creep in again now as i type this, i so hope this is not an isolated thing for this girl. NO! Not going there, it will happen again because i am His! Past is past and the future is waiting, filled with hope and confidence. He will take me there, i have no doubt of that, and i will submit! slave *~destiny~*

What to do when You really can't do anything...

Master has been going through some things that are really hard on Him lately. With O/our relationship being LDR i am finding it very hard to know what to do. my mind keeps rolling over thoughts on and off all day long, running through the what if's and hopeful's, searching for answers that may help Him. Wanting to be there for Him but knowing with the distance i really can't be. Needing to support Him and help Him through the rough spots, yet always coming back to the realization that there is not much of anything i can do that will really help Him. So what do i do? How do i find the balance between trying too hard to be there for Him and not being there enough? i know my Master is a thinker, He will look at situations from all sides, inside and out, and to do this i think He just needs the down time. What this means is He tends to withdraw, not completely, but enough that with me not being there to see Him it makes me worry for Him. Specially during those times He may not be able to respond to a message from me right away. He never leaves me for days not knowing, matter of fact He doesn't even leave me wondering for an abundance of hours. Still, i find myself concerned in those times when He is busy doing what He needs to do and i am here doing what i need to. my thoughts go to Him, is He doing ok right now? Should i peek in on Him? What could i do to bring a smile to His face, even if only a brief one? What can i do? How can i help? Is there something, anything that i could give to be here for Him? i tend to feel like i need to fix things for Him, wanting to get Him back to that place i know He wishes to be. But how can i, and do i really need to "fix" things... or... Maybe He just needs to talk through these things that are such a hardship right now. Maybe what He needs is a slave that will simply listen. Maybe what He needs is simply my patience and understanding. So how can i give this in a way it is not appearing as if i am being too needy myself? How can i reassure Him that i am here for Him no matter what the mood, situation or dilemma? He said last night when speaking of things He thought i may be getting fed up with Him. That took me by surprise, as i really do not feel fed up at all. i told Him no, that i get confused but not feeling fed up. The confusion comes from me not knowing how to reach out to Him and also from not knowing when He has walked away from the computer sometimes, but even that i do understand. i know when He does that it is a protection method, more for me than for Him, His way of protecting me from His troubles or mood changes. Yet, i don't really want to be protected from those times, i'd rather learn how to be there for Him in all times, i know that comes with time though. i am not fed up with any of this because i do understand, because i do have a Master that overall does keep me informed of things that are going on where He is at. i have always been good at putting myself in another person's shoes, so to speak, so understanding comes naturally for me, i find it natural to put aside my own feelings and view theirs instead. So fed up? No not at all, i just want to be there... that's all. i just want to be there for Him! To help, to listen, to be a part of even the hardships as well as the good, to offer comfort and understanding, to remind Him how much i believe in Him, to help Him find a reason to smile even through the junk life throws at U/us, to let Him know that there IS someone who cares deeply and would do anything to help if she knew what to do. *sighs* i just want to be "there"... slave *~destiny~*